it's been awhile, not that anyone reads this

Yes, I am back and soo much to tell.
Critter update:
 We lost our barn cat Oreo early this spring. The black kitten Boo was also hit but he survived with a slight limp. He became an indoor cat during his recovery much to the chagrin of the current indoor cats. Boo was inside for about 2 months and they never showed signs of getting along so he was booted back outdoors.
Bella is growing and is still a crack head but not as bad either with Boo outside. She loves her Boo and they liked to play all night!!

Home on the Range:
Dommy is here for the summer and her cousin Anja came to stay for a couple of days, the girls all get along so well and it's a pleasure to have them around. The two younger ones are going back and forth between their mother's apartment and here and still not adjusting well. It's hard to go from a house with rules to one of total chaos 24/7. I try to remember that but I don't deal so well much days.
I am taking my jewelry to the local Farmer's Market as much as I can and doing pretty well. I tend to spend my profits there but still gets me out of the house. I am setting up my own Jewelry at Home party business. This would be a home party where the guests make a necklace or bracelet or whatever. I will supply all the tools and kits. I will also teach them how to make the pieces. I think it will be a good business and I hope to branch out into other crafts if it goes well, I have made a lot of contacts through friends and the market. I hope to get it up and running by the time school starts. I will post some pics of my current designs as soon as I can get decent pics.

My wedding dress is finally done and paid for. Shane and I are taking the Josey and Dommy to the Ren Faire in Bristol next weekend to celebrate their birthdays. I will get to wear my dress as it's a Ren dress, smart huh?
The girls have been getting their costumes ready and are excited to go. This will be Dommy's first time going.
Will post pics of that too!

Prince Charming is dead!

I don't know about other women out there but I have always held this version of Prince Charming in my head. He is the perfect man. Kind and caring and always chivalrous. Witty, funny, and always knowing when you needed a little something extra in the pick me up department.
I think society puts in your head at an early age that Prince Charming is waiting to rescue you on his valiant white horse. Thanks for nothing Walt Disney.

 There is a boy/man from my past that I always held this mental position open for. I hadn't spoken to him in years. We had "dated" in junior high and I have always held a torch for him ever since. He was the prefect blend of funny, artistic, good looking,a touch of danger, and had that certain mystique about him.

 After graduating high school, he stuck around in our hometown for awhile. He dated and married a girl from our school and they were together for about 20 years. They had moved to the coast and had lived there for many years now.

 This last winter, he contacted me on that lovely social network site, Facebook.
He hadn't up until this point been on any social site that I could stalk him properly from.
It seems that him and his wife had split up. He was looking up old friends. We talked, we laughed, we flirted, I was flattered that he still thought of me. We talked for hours and hours, reminiscing. A lot of sighing and what might have beens. Not always spoken but wondered.
Upon talking and learning about his life and discovering who he is, I figured out that I had in essence made him into someone in my mind that no mere mortal could ever be. This great prince with the silver tongue and robust zest for life turned out to be a just a normal man. Not much different from many many others I had met/dated/slept with/left behind before.

The image of Prince Charming that I had some painstakingly held in high regard came crashing to ground.

 I weep over the loss of this ideal and the hope that he may still be out there somewhere, pining like I did. But at the same time, I gather strength in the fact of what I really knew all along. I am stronger than that weakling little woman that needs to be rescued as I rescue myself and always have.

Today would have been my sister's 33rd Birthday

 I was in the 7th grade when I lost my younger sister to bone cancer. Today she would have been 33. Truly hard to believe it's been that long.
  A lot have come to pass in these many years. This last year alone has been a stunner in itself.
My mom, who is only 58, technically died on the operating table last summer. They were able to bring her back and I have to say she is not the same person she was in some ways. My mom had a triple bypass about 8 years ago. She was then that she had to lose weight, stop smoking, and change her lifestyle. She stopped smoking.
  My family and I have had our ups and downs over the course of the last 4 years or so. For awhile we didn't talk at all. That was healthier for all of us. It was for several reasons and somehow after mom's close call with leaving this earth, we managed to put ourselves back together again. We still tread lightly. We are still slow to trust like we used to. I missed my family and felt excluded but it was easier for them to do so.
  Both my brothers have made families. Tom has Erykah, Isabella, and Alden. Travis has Addie with another on the way very soon. I am so proud of my brothers and the men they turned out to be. I can only wonder what my sister, Sember, would have thought of our brothers children. I can only imagine that she would love them dearly like I do. I can see little bits and pieces of her in all of our children.
 Anyone that knows me also knows that I don't care much for organized religion or it's cults but rather a sense of spirituality. I have to believe that wherever Sember is, she is looking down upon us today and smiling knowing that we are all okay and probably right sprinkling dandelion seeds in all our yards as I type this. We miss and love you.

Sure does feel like a monday

It's been a bit since I updated but it's been a crazy week! Shane's grandmother passed away on friday evening. His daughter Dominque and her brother Nick are here for the funeral. They flew into O'Hare early sunday morning. The services are on tuesday evening and wednesday morning. So all 7 of us need to travel 3o minutes away. So I am guessing we will need both vehicles to ferry everyone there safely.
I am soo glad that Dommy would fly instead of having to be picked up from North Carolina. She is terrified of flying but she seemed to do very well. Her brother was with her so I think that helped. Nick is 16 but has limited time in the air too.
  We were allowed to thru security and go directly to their arrival gate. That was weird, being in the airport but not going anywhere. I miss traveling. I can't say I am a fan of the security process but I understand it's necessity.
  Josey has oral surgery this morning to remove a baby tooth and to pull down one that is lodged on top of others. Hopefully it will go smoothly and not be too painful. She has braces and this should be the last obstacle in getting them all aligned. She is counting the days until they can be removed.

Wahoo! It's Caturday!!!

Today is Shane's birthday. I still need to wrap his presents and bake his cake. The dog woke us up by banging on the door until she popped the lock. She wanted to make sure momma or dad was up to feed her. Such a nice four-legged daughter! The younger 2-legged variety kids were up before 6 which is totally messed up because I have to pry their little butts out of bed during the week.
  Lil Shane and McKayla were supposed to go with their "mother" this weekend but she opted not to pick them up since McKayla had a girl scout meeting last night. She is not very consistent in picking them up and I wish she would either step up to the plate and be their mom or hit the road and never look back. We gave her the option of switching weekends due to the girl scout schedule but that varies from month to month to so that really isn't going to help much.
  She neglected to pick them up at all in January after she dropped them off from Christmas break when she had them for almost 2 weeks. The incubator, as I like to call her, insists on McKayla not being in girl scouts as it cuts into her visits. She doesn't even show up 75% of the time anyhow. How do you deal with a situation like this? Shane has filed the necessary  papers to take her back to court in March for child support and to get the vistations adjusted to suite the kids better, not her. She knows how to work the system and I fear that it will just be a long drawn out process with little positive result.
   She makes me soo angry that she is not the mother they need her to be. She disappoints them on every level. She will buy them game systems and then pawn them when she needs the money later. I know I have not always been the best mother to my own daughter Josey but I seriously hope I was never as bad. I know I didn't always make the right decisions when it comes to a lot of choices. It's so easy to see the faults in others, especially when they are hurting the ones you love.
  I just wish I could make everything okay. I hate seeing the look in their eyes when they find out that once again, mom is not coming to pick them up. McKayla internalizes it and Shane acts out in school and here at home etc. Both of the kids are in counseling but I am not sure they is enough counseling in the world to help these kids on the level she damages them. Both Shane and McKayla have a hard time in school. Neither reads at grade level. Shane is the process of being tested at school for dyslexia. Both kids are in Title 1 reading and other programs to help them. Shane has also been extremely defiant towards his teachers and us here at home. The kids have cousins on their Dad's side that have been classified O.D.D. which is oppositional defiance disorder. Basically, they do whatever they want and due to their size and age, there isn't much the parents can do about it. I am not looking forward to raising teenagers with this issue at all.
  I am sure all of this is really not fun to read or very exciting either. I need a vent and fast! Is it unheard of for a grown woman of the age of almost 39 to start smoking?

TGIF ...it is what it is

Well if anyone ever reads this I guess I should tell a little about myself.
I'm called Charity by most everyone. I am quite sure I am called something less flattering behind my back by the step-kids. I live in Dixon IL with my boyfriend/fiance and our 3 kids. I have one daughter from first marriage named Josey who is 14. Shane (the above mentioned S.O.) has 3 kids total. Dominque, 13, who lives in North Carolina with her mom. McKayla, 10, and Shane, 8. We live in a big ol rambling rented farmhouse on the southern edge of Dixon Illinois. We have a whole mess of animals. We have 3 outdoor barn cats. Boo, Brownie and Oreo. Tucker and T.T. are the indoor kitties that Josey and I helped the mother give birth to. There is a large tank full of fish in the living room that I sometimes remember to feed. We also have a Border Collie mix dog named Bella who is the latest edition to the family. She is 7 months old and quite the handful.
  We were told by the people that we got her from that she was German Shepard/Lab mix. We wanted a dog for protection as someone broke into one the barns and stole almost all of our firewood for the winter. The neighbors also walked in one day to give us a Christmas treat and we never knew they were in the house. That scared me as they could have been real robbers or some other bad person. So hence the wanting of the protection of a fierce dog. We looked for weeks for a proper watch dog. We visited shelters in the area and found some that we liked but none of them were known how they reacted to cats. I really didn't want a dog that would eat or attack the cats. We saw the ad for Bella on Craigslist and went to see her that afternoon. I had some reservations as she seemed to be a hyper dog and frankly we already have enough kids that require a lot of attention. We decided to think about it and drove away. We returned hours later after purchasing all the doggy requirements from the local farm implement type store here. The large crate, the 4000 lb bag of food, the chew toys, the tug of war rope and the nasty basted rib bones, the pretty purple collar and leash. So $200 later, we return to her owners and decide to make her part of our crazy family.
   Bella is partial to women over men. Her previous owner, Maria, was her main caregiver so she has firmly attached herself to my side. I get an 4 legged escort everywhere. To the laundry room, the restroom, the kitchen, to bed, you get the idea. And heaven forbid I go somewhere and close the door behind me without my shadow.
  We figured out very quickly after we brought her home that this dog was not as described. She is not German Shepard at all. She likes to herd the kids. She has to know where everyone is at all times. Upon doing a little online research, I saw the exact picture of our lovely Bella. She happens to be a Borador, which is Border Collie/ Lab. All the stated characteristics are there. The ears, the herding, the need to be busy all the time, etc. Oh well, so she is not as she was claimed to be. She is our crackhead dog now. We discussed briefly trying to find a real farm for her to go to but that subject was quickly dismissed.
    Last week, we had all the animals fixed. The three outdoor barn cats and Bella. I am a firm believer in getting animals spayed or neutered as there are too many animals that are homeless or in overcrowded shelters already.
  I will come back later and give you all some more boring details but right now I have to take a shower so I can go for my wedding dress fitting. Loooong story..tell ya later!

My first blog

I have never really had a blog before and I am not really sure what I need one for but I decided it was time. I can't promise that I will ever post anything that anyone else will want to read or see. I guess check back to see if anything interesting pops up.